Some people call it hell. (Perhaps that's an exaggeration.
Perhaps not.) But you're now in the thick of the adoption process. With a
little work, persistence, and a sense of humor, this can actually be a time of
thoughtful exploration between you and your spouse (if married), and your
desires and expectations as adoptive parents.
So you've selected your agency. You've filled out the initial
application and paid the initial fee. At this point, you'll most likely have had
your first post-introductory (sometimes called an intake) interview.
Now the real work begins.
To adopt internationally, you must have an approved homestudy.
Your agency will assign a social worker to you who will work with you during the
process. The homestudy consists of gathering specific documents (see below)...
interviews with you, your spouse, and any children living in the home...
in-person or telephone interviews with your references... and a home visit or
two.
The long and short of it? Your social worker, working on behalf
of your agency and the children it represents, wants to know only one thing --
are you going to be good, capable parents? The good news is that most of us
do pass the ultimate test. So hang in there and pace yourselves.
During your initial interview with the agency or at your first
meeting with your social workers, you'll also receive a large, hefty packet of
forms that need to be filled out: personal and financial information
disclosures, fingerprint cards, USCIS forms, and lots more. Don't be
alarmed. You can do it.
Your Documentation List
Every state has different document requirements so your actual
list may look different than the one below. You may need originals or certified
copies rather than simple photocopies. The number of copies per document
required may also vary. But, for the most part, it will look something like
this:
PERSONAL INFORMATION
- Adoption decree(s) on children already living in the home
- Birth certificates for spouses and children already living in the home
- Marriage license
- Divorce decree(s), if applicable
FINANCIAL INFORMATION
- Employment verification by letter and/or current pay stub
- Income verification, usually W2s or income tax forms
- Proof of life insurance
- Proof of health insurance
- Statement of current assets, including savings accounts, money market
funds, mutual funds, stocks, etc.
- Proof of mortgage or rent payment
- Proof of good health, usually a medical exam is required
MISCELLANEOUS
- State-mandated fingerprint clearances
- Written approval of public health inspection
- Written approval of fire safety inspection
- Photos of the couple, any children, and front of the home
- Copy of previous homestudy, if applicable
- Written personal references
FORMS YOU MAY RECEIVE AT YOUR FIRST POST-APPLICATION
MEETING
- State-Mandated Criminal Clearances
- Police Clearance
- Child Abuse Clearance
- Motor Vehicle Driving Records
Many of these forms will require signature verification by a
notary public. Your bank can usually provide this service to you at no charge.
(Sometimes they have a limited on how many documents they'll do at a single
sitting.)
(Personal Story: You're
going to get to know the notary really well. During our first adoption, our
notary became so interested in our journey, she decided to adopt, as well. About
18 months later, she and her husband were the proud parents of a beautiful
little boy from the Philippines!
At your initial meeting you're also most likely going to receive
several forms required by the
Bureau of Citizenship
and Immigration Services (USCIS) (formerly Immigration and
Naturalization Service (USCIS). One is a blue I-600. Don't worry about that
one right now. The other is far more important at this stage in the process:
I-600A - Application for Advance Processing of Orphan
Petition
This salmon-colored form gets the ball rolling well in advance
of completing your homestudy and receiving an assignment of a child.
Decide on who will be the "Prospective Petitioner" and continue to use the same
person on all USCIS documents. Can be husband or wife if both are US
citizens. If not, then the spouse who is the US citizen must be listed as the
petitioner on all documents.
Want to save time? You can
now download the I600A and I600 forms right from the
USCIS website. No fuss, no muss, no waiting! (Note: some USCIS offices
have been kicking back perfectly fine forms because they were printed on white
paper. Save yourself a hassle - if you can, print the
I600A on salmon pink paper and the
I600 on light blue paper.)
Here are the documents you'll need to accompany your I-600A application:
Two sets of fingerprints from each
prospective adoptive parent and any adults over age 18 living in the household.
Fingerprints will be taken at your regional USCIS office.
Proof of US citizenship of the Prospective
Petitioner (I'd include a copy of the spouse's information, too)
-- birth certificate, naturalization certificate or valid US passport.
Photocopies okay.
A marriage certificate. (Photocopy okay.)
Divorce decree or death certificate if
previously married (Photocopies okay.)
Certified check or money order in the amount of
$460 (plus $50 fingerprinting fees for each adult over 18
living in the household), payable to the Immigration and Naturalization
Service. (Although some USCIS offices will accept personal checks, many won't.
So to save yourself a lot of hassle and do go the certified check or money
order route. Best bet is a postal money order.)
Bear in mind:
- Rules change constantly. Always check with your agency regarding the latest
USCIS and other
governmental information.
- Send your completed application by traceable means, certified mail with return receipt
requested, UPS or Fed-Ex. I like the two latter choices because you can track their
arrival dates yourself online.
- Get this form and its
attachments completed without delay. It takes 60-90 days for this application to process without
any problems. Imagine how long it takes when you run into a snag. Get it done now and
save yourself a lot of headaches.
USCIS
ACCEPTS WALK-IN TRAFFIC, but... each office is going to have its own
rules about when and how. Call ahead (or ask your agency) the best days and
times to go to your regional USCIS office for fingerprinting and in-person I600A
application processing. Remember to bring a certified check or money order with
you for the full fees amount, application and fingerprinting.
- Exception: Applicants and petitioners residing abroad who are
fingerprinted at a United States consular or military installation abroad do not need to
be fingerprinted by the USCIS and are exempt from the $50 fingerprint fee. These applicants
and petitioners must file their completed card at the time their application or petition
is filed.
Your state and/or agency may have different requirements, but we had one joint
interview, one individual interview each, and one home visit with our social worker. I
found it to be a somewhat lengthy, but interesting experience. (If you like to talk
about yourself, you'll probably have an easier time than someone who tends to be
uncomfortable talking about personal matters.)
Generally, you'll be asked about your childhood, your relationship -- past and present
-- with parents and siblings, your school days, and previous marriages (if any). You'll be
asked about the health and status of your current marriage, your attitudes about
parenting, and corporal punishment.
And if Korea is your program of choice, a lot of time will be spent exploring your
attitudes and beliefs about parenting a child of another race (if you're not of Asian
ancestry yourself) -- and the affects of becoming an interracial family on your
immediate and extended
families.
You'll also be asked about the
kind of child you're willing to consider.
- Are you open to either boy or girl? Some agencies won't allow
a gender choice since the great majority of families looking to
adopt internationally, at least when starting out, prefer girls.**
- Will you consider a baby born before 38 weeks gestation and/or
low birth weight?
- What is your preferable age range?
- Will you consider a child with physical, emotional or
developmental special needs? If so, what can you comfortably
handle, what not?
For both of our adoptions, our criteria remained the same - boy or girl 0-18 months of age, born 36+ weeks,
with mild, easily correctable physical special needs. What we didn't feel capable of
handling was a child exposed in-utero to drugs or alcohol or with moderate to severe
special needs of any sort.
Here's what we got: Spencer was a healthy boy born at 38 weeks, good birth weight, with a mild
foot displacement (which was corrected in Korea and required nothing more in
the US by our own pediatrician.) Piper was born full-term, good birth
weight, no health or physical issues.
** Let's hear it for the boys. I'm going to make another plug here for
being open to adopting a boy. Truth is, most families enter international
adoption with the idea of adopting infant/toddler girls. That leaves beautiful,
healthy boys at a distinct disadvantage. (And boys with special needs can wait
far longer than their female counterparts to find loving adoptive homes.)
Our personal story: I'll admit at the very first thought of adoption,
we also thought girl. I don't know why that is either. We already had a
beautiful daughter at home. But we did think girl first. But when we discovered
the wait for a girl could be considerably longer and that more boys needed
homes, we didn't hesitate to be open to a baby of either sex. We were truly
thrilled when we saw our son's photo for the first time.
A few months after Spencer arrived, we were asked to do one of our agency's
monthly intro meetings where they feature a newly adoptive family. We all went.
The meeting room had a table in the middle. My husband sat at the table with
Spencer next to him in a clip-on seat attached to the table. I sat behind them
and did most of the talking and answered questions. Some of them were about
raising a boy. Some of them addressed my husband's feelings about raising an
adopted son. (Those hubby answered himself.)
Now you have to envision the scene where my big grey-haired husband is
sitting with his smiling, gleefully drooling 7-month old son with the big laugh.
All eyes were on them. Spencer was a total delight and thoroughly enjoyed all of
the attention he was receiving.
At the end of the evening, as we were getting ready to leave, one of the
agency directors told us that Spencer had been even a bigger hit than we had
imagined. Not a few families who walked in thinking "girl" told her they were
now open to "boy" having seen Spencer and his daddy interact with each other,
with great love and open joy.
Of course, I think all my children are wonderful. I'm their mom, it's my job.
But we decided early on that since we couldn't pick the sex any child we'd make
together, we weren't going to pick the sex of any child we adopted. We'd remain
open to the possibilities.
For more "Let's hear it for the boys" stories, see
Boys, Oh Wonderful Boys,
The Joy of Boys.
and 10
Myths About Boys.
Having preferences doesn't make you a bad person. Your agency wants you to be
upfront and honest with them. But the more flexible you are - especially about
gender - the faster you'll
get a referral.
Scared yet? In keeping with the tone of your initial interviews, here's your chance to
really express yourselves on a lot of personal topics. Your social worker will probably
give you an outline to follow. Our outline read something like this:
| Your Family |
Describe your parents, siblings, and your childhood home. Your parents as
a couple? Areas of agreement and disagreement? Ways your parenting style is/isn't
similar to your own parents? |
| Growing Up |
Describe your feelings about school life, favorite subjects, friends, etc.
Teen issues? Religious orientation? Dating? |
| Courtship & Marriage |
Describe how you and your spouse met, courted and married. Relationships
with in-laws? Mutual interests? Areas of strength and disagreement? (Reasons why previous
marriage/s) didn't succeed?) |
| Children |
If you have them: describe your children, their
personalities, and their feelings about adopting a sibling. If you don't:
describe your experiences with children
For both: what is your philosophy about childrearing, discipline, and
punishment. |
| Adoption |
Describe your reasons for adopting. How will the child fit into your
family? Childcare issues? Cultural issues and concerns? |
| Employment |
Describe your job. How do you feel about your work? Satisfactions and
annoyances? |
| Community |
Describe your house and your community. Describe your community
involvements. |
| General |
Strongest influences in your life? Greatest disappointments and
achievements? |
Don't like to write? Get over it. Besides, you won't be judged on
how
you write, just what you have to say. My husband's was five word processed pages. Mine was 10.
I'd say that if you can truthfully say what needs to be said in 3-5 pages, you'll be
fine. Worse comes to worse? Dictate it into a tape recorder and have someone transcribe it
for you later.
So who is going to say, in print and in person, how wonderful you are, singly and
together? For the most part, those you ask will be incredibly honored.
But do start thinking about it now. Your social worker will ask for a few references
for each of you. (Generally a family member isn't eligible for this honor.) Have a few
good friends who've known you a long time? Good. Your priest/rabbi/pastor is also a good
choice.
Try to include at least one reference who knows you as a couple. And
if you already have children, you might ask if one of their teachers might offer a
reference, as well. (My husband and I did this. My feeling was the best way to gauge our
effectiveness as parents was to ask someone who has gotten to know our child well for many
years.)
All the references you choose will be asked for a written reference. One or two of
these references may be called for a more in-depth interview, or your social worker may
want to meet a reference in person. So think about who'd be willing to go that extra mile.
Here are some of my personal recommendations for the homestudy process:
-
Be honest! A lot of information will be unearthed in your background
checks, so make sure you're forthcoming about anything in your background that could seem
even remotely dicey or problematic.
-
This isn't therapy. So be candid while keeping your written and spoken
remarks on track with your goal of showing yourselves to be capable, loving parents. Also,
too, if you have children in the home, your social worker will want to speak with them.
It's a good idea to start talking with your children about adoption prior to the social
worker's visit.
- Don't kill
yourselves cleaning for the home visit. What your social worker wants to see is a
safe, relatively clean home with enough room to accommodate a child. You don't have to
have the baby's room ready either. (And no one is going to look in your closets or white
glove the top of your refrigerator.)
- Your social worker
wants to approve you! So give her/him what s/he needs on a timely basis. Get the
documents in quickly. Get what needs to be notarized, notarized, etc. Make appointments
and keep them. Sit down and get those autobiographies written.
Once your homestudy is approved, your agency will forward it to the USCIS to be included
with your I-600A application. Upon completion of its review, the USCIS will then send you a
notice stating your I-600A application has been approved. You can then fax or mail a copy
of it to your agency to be added to your file. You keep the original.
Homestudy times vary widely. They can take as little as 30 days or as long as six
months (our homestudy took three months from start to finish.) Remember, it's up
to you to keep things moving along.
Note that the Korean adoption program doesn't require a separate dossier of
documents. Korea accepts the American homestudy as sufficient documentation. If
you're adopting from another country, you'll most likely be compiling documents
for the country dossier.
Next stop, waiting for your referral!
